Scourge says, "*Image of some guy in a cowboy hat* Welcome to Joe Bob Briggs Moonlight Madness Theater. Tonight we have a helluva show for ya, so just grab a beer and a seat, and stay glued to the TV. Tonight's flick is "Redneck Zombies Drank My Moonshine". It features 67 bullet wounds, 42 brutal killings, 18 jugs of moonshine, 14 pares of bare female chests, and Gilbert Gottfried. So just relax and enjoy the carnage..." Scourge says, "*movie starts, credits, cheesy music. Open on a grainy shot of some inbred guy, coming on the porch to meet his son* Redneck: Boy, go fetch yer sister!! Boy: Ah'm a gettin' paw. *REdneck looks from his half empty jug of moonshine to the forest, swearing he heard something* Redneck: I swear ah heard somethin'..." Brent says, "*lurching camera angle through the woods*" Scourge says, "*Into the woods the redneck goes, taking a swig of moonshine. He is suddenly startled by something leaping at him, half-dead...*" Scourge says, "*Glibert Gottfried pops out* G: HI! I'M GIL--- *BANG*" Scourge says, "*Redneck looks from his shotgun to the body of Gilbert, and guffaws... he is then ambushed and eaten by Zombies, who feast on his moonshine fattened hide.*" Brent says, "*Pa looks up, hearing a shot* Hey! JIMBO! It it's a deer, y'all better bring it back f'r supper, y'hear? (hic) *Pa drinks some more moonshine*" Scourge says, "*commercial break, fading onto Joe Bob Briggs* Mmm, mmm... idn't that somethin'. I can almost taste the moonshine... now a word from our sponsors... *NAcho/Nacho man!!/ I wanna be/ A Nacho Man!!...*" Brent says, "*Back to movie* *Zombified Gilbert stands up* G: HEY! HEY! WOULD SOMEBODY LOOK AT THIS! JUST LOOK AT THIS! AY'M THE LIVING DEAD! WOULD SOMEBODY JUST EXPLAIN THIS TO ME! DO I HAVE TO BE EATING THE LIVING NOW! HUH! WHAT IS WITH THIS! HEY!" Scourge says, "*Pa hears the shouts, and runs over* Pa: Nobuddy touches my daughter but me!!" Brent says, "*Dixie, Pa's daughter, swims around in a lake in the woods, conveniently wearing nothing* Giggle, tee hee! *swims around some more* La la la. *distant sound of gunshots, muffled Gilbert Gottfried narrative* Eek! Whatever could that bay? Ah'd better go fahnd out! *Jumps out of lake (yay), puts on clothes (boo).*" Scourge says, "*Zombie trudges towards Dixie, frowning as she puts clothes on. He shrugs and heads for her and her delicious moonshine* Dixie: Hmmm... ah wuhnder if'n pa's okie... *She grabs for her lantern... but knows she can't carry both it and the moonshine, so she sets it back down*" Brent says, "*Pa rushes up to Gilbert* Pa: Whut in tarrrnation are -yuh-? Hic! G: HEY GRANDPAW! COULD YOU GIVE ME A HAND HERE! AW-- Pa: Aaah! Ah YANKEE! Dah! *blam blam* G: --COULD AAAAAAAAAAAARRGH! YOU SHOT ME! I'M CAWLING MY LAWYER! YOU REDNECK AS-- Pa: ... *blam blam* G: -OLE, AW'LL GAAAAAAAAAAHHH! YOU SHOT ME AGAIN!" Scourge says, "*Dixie, oblivious to the Zombie, starts heading towards the woods. She hears the snapping of twigs, and whips around* Zombie: Uhhhhh D: AHHHHHHHHH!!! A: Uhhhhhhh D: AHHHHHHHH!! Z: Uhhhhh... D: AHHHHH!!!! Z: Uhhhh..... D: AHHHHHHH!!! Z: Screw this... *chomp*" Scourge says, "*Dixie screams as the Zombie sinks his teeth into her, and she futiley bangs the moonshine jug over its head* D: Geht o'ffa me, ya damned... ow! Dohn't bahte me thahre... *Pa, after shooting Gilbert 18 times with his shotgun gives up and rushes towards his daughters screams, huffing and puffing* P: HEY!! Get yuhr mitts off'a muh luhve... erm, daughter!! *BANG*" Scourge says, "*Tight close up as the camera zooms in on Bruce Campbell, motivational music humming in the background. The music suddenly stops, and Bruce looks into the camera* Bruce: Don't -even- look at me... they couldn't pay me enough to be in this schlock! *He turns and storms away, the Zombie stopping to look after him*" Brent says, "Zombie: Wait! I want an autograph! *Behind him, Dixie falls dead, shot by Pa.*" Nivek Scourge ahs. That concludes today's movie, don't feel like doing it anymore. :>