Last updated - 07 May 2008
It is with a heavy heart that I write this. This page covers the all too brief life of my son Tim.
"Hey, it's me." For the last eight years or so, Tim would call home nearly every Sunday afternoon starting the call the same way. His last call home was on 20 May 2007.
This is Tim story. If you have additional information or photos that you would like to share, please let me know.
Thanks to those of you who took the time to write.
I will post new stuff here and insert it into the document as required.
This was a very hard day for me as I remember driving Tim to Chicago for the last time a year ago. While we didn't talk much as he didn't have the breath, it was still a semi-great trip. I was looking forward to Tim spending a few days in the hospital and then coming home again. It was not to be and he would only be able to talk to me for a couple a more days before the ventilator was inserted.
We visited Tim's grave and the cemetery was a blase with color. I have never seen this many people visiting graves and placing flowers.
As I read through this document, a tear formed in my eye. Even though it has been almost a year since Tim passed away, it still gets to me.
Again, I would like to thank the many people who have read this document and have taken the time to send me an email. These provide a measure of comfort.
A year ago I was with Tim after taking him back to Chicago. He had spent three months with us in Ohio. As I look back I thought that Tim had improved but I believe he was hiding his condition. I still "what if" but it doesn't help.
While Tim is gone, I believe he is still with us. Both my wife and I can feel a presence in the house. I see "movement" out of the corner of my eye when nobody is around.
While many people do not believe in "ghost" or spirits, I had an experience in 1979 in the PACAF headquarters building in HI. I entered the building one night and started up the stairs. I heard the door close behind me and "heard" foot steps coming up the stairs. There was nobody around. Many of the staff would not go to the communication center alone at night after similar experiences.
I completed Tim's last Income Tax report. It was hard to place the "DEC" on the forms.
We continue to "visit" with Tim most Sundays. He was one of the first people to be interred in this new section of the cemetery. In the past year about 15 new graves have been established.
Tim entered the hospital for the last time on Memerial Day last year so this will be a hard time for us.
Father Mike, the chaplin at Cincinnati Children's Hospital is now the parish priest at St Mary's in Hillsboro. They are using the School Management System that Tim wrote one summer.
Being in the Air Force you move around the world. As such, your children may not be born in the same state. Tim was born in the Army hospital in Honolulu HI. I was going to bed early in the morning after spend time working on my first computer, an H89. My wife said it was time to go so we quickly placed our first born with the neighbors and headed to the hospital. I only had time to open the book I brought when the Army team asked if I wanted to attend the birth. So I was present when Tim was born and got to hold him when he was less than a minute old.
Tim was nearly a year old when we moved to the Dayton OH area. He was a handful at times but then aren’t all kids. As a baby I would hold him when he would cry at night, pacing the hall until he would calm down and fall back to sleep. He enjoyed riding in the car and I would use this method as a means to get him to sleep or nap. I would strap him into his car seat and then drive down I70 to Springfield and back again.
He, like his brother, enjoyed being read to at night before going to sleep. I would sit next to his bed and read one or two short stories each night. Of course he really enjoyed it if I used different voices for each person in the story. The Big Red dog, Bernstein Bears, and other similar books became main stays of this activity.
He enjoyed the normal stuff that kids enjoy. He played baseball/softball, mostly in the back yard. He played at par three golf and enjoyed a course near Springfield. The water hazards made it interesting and we would always lose a ball or two. Tim played in a coed softball league one summer. I think I enjoyed coaching more than Tim liked playing.
As soon as he was able, he "helped" setup up the Christmas trees. As he got older this was one of his tasks which he thoroughly enjoyed.
When Tim and his brother were younger, we would like to take day trips in the local area. These trips would be to destination of some sort like a zoo or museum. We got to see a lot of the local Ohio area. We would make a long trip on occasion like a trip to Detroit then across the bridge into Canada with a night in Niagara Fall ON and then back home the third day. One week end we even drove to Chicago to the Sears Tower and some of the museums.
We actually made several trips to Chicago. The Heathkit annual conference was held near O’Hara airport and we would go every year. We would always have some time to visit the museums downtown. This may have been why Tim developed a "liking" for Chicago. He also developed a liking of the Cubs and soon picked up a nickname of "Cubby."
Tim followed in the foot steps of his older brother and father and developed computer skills. He was a great games player, especially those involving sports. Tim and his brother could spend hours playing some of the games that involved two players. One summer they created an entire baseball league and played the entire season out, some 500 total games!
tim and his brother were also great Lego kids. They continued to push for new Lego sets to increased the size of "their city.". The city continued to grow and even included a Lego train.
Tim & Matt at computer, Dec 90
He also enjoyed the action games including the flying types. For some reason he became very interested in WWII aircraft. He watched the “Memphis Bell”, a story of a B-17 in WWII. At the time I was actively involved in volunteer work at the Air Force Museum. One night they had an appreciation function where they opened up the aircraft to the volunteers. Tim went along with me and had the opportunity in go inside a B-17 and see how “big” the aircraft was. We also went into the B-36 and several other aircraft.
Tim also enjoyed going to the Dayton Air show. This occurred every year and we would make the trip to the show and spend the day looking at aircraft and watching the show. These days were always hot and sunny and we would bake but Tim sure enjoyed the action.
As part of Tim’s interest in computers, we would go to the two computer related shows held at Hara. Hamvention is a large show held in the spring that covers both the inside and outside areas around Hara. This was another all day affair with a lot of walking and looking. We would buy stuff at times. In the fall Computerfest was held. Again, another all Saturday affair. Tim was very into the hardware aspects and was always looking for unique items.
As part of his interest in computers, Tim was always working on creating a better computer for himself. About every two years he would start the investigation into what is new to make a faster computer. Since he was into gaming, he had to have one of the fastest computers around. I remember one time he went to the local computer source and looked through the CPU for a specific code which could be over clocked.
He enjoyed sports and going to the Cincinnati Reds baseball games. As a family, we participated in a Cincinnati Reds Season Ticket pool. He always helped me setup the ticket drawings. Tim was always up to going to the games and enjoyed them. I believe one of his highlights would have been the first season we were involved and the Reds played in the World Series. Tim had the opportunity to go to both a playoff and World Series game.
Tim sports enthusiasm went so far as friendly rivalry between one of his uncles in Cleveland between the Indians and Reds and Bengalis and Browns.
Tim was not much in the way of a daring person. However, one day we went to Kings Island near Cincinnati. We got there early and could hit any ride we wanted without waiting in line. The first ride he selected was one of the more daring rides and this surprised me. He would not go on any of the bigger roller coasters but he found that he liked the steel “Adventure Road” coaster and we ended up riding this about 20 times that day.
I would normally have to travel to Washington DC in early summer to attend a convention. The family would go along on these trips. While I was at the convention, the family would tour around the city. So they ended up see much more of the city and surrounding area than I have seen.
Once his older brother started attending the University of Illinois he would push to go to at least one football and one basketball game per year. He would do most of the arrangements and all I had to do is drive and pay. Once he became a student at UofI, he would purchase season tickets and we didn’t get to go to any more games.
Tim attended St Luke’s school and Carroll High School. He made his second trip by air (his first was from HI to CA) when he went with group from Carroll to Washington DC. The trip focused on government and I can remember Tim’s comments on his Rush Limbaugh tie. Tim maintained a high level of interest in politics and was a conservative. The last book he read was by Neil Boortz.
Tim, 15 at the time, had a lump his neck. It didn't hurt but it was very noticeable. In September 1996, his mother took him to see a doctor at Wright-Patterson AFB. The primary care doctor, after examining the mass, sent them to a specialty clinic at the base hospital. This was on a Wednesday. Doctor Ellis, after an external exam, had Tim scheduled for a surgical biopsy the same day. Because of a concern over a node located at the bottom of the "Y" in the air pipe, no general anesthesia could be used. So Tim had a node removed from his neck and a marrow sample taken without the benefit of being asleep so he got to see some of the procedures. While Hodgkin’s is a type of cancer, it has a high rate of success in treatment.
The next day the results came back positive for Hodgkin’s disease, a cancer of the lymph nodes. Because the involvement occurred throughout the chest it was classed as IV-A. One of the involved nodes sat very close to the windpipe and this concerned the doctors so they decided to keep Tim in the hospital so they could monitor him. I was out of town at a meeting in Kansas City. There is nothing like being called out of a meeting and asked to call a doctor. The doctor, from primary care strongly suggested that I return home as soon as possible. This called was late morning, so I immediately started to try and get my airline tickets changed to the earliest possible flight.
Because my wife was at the hospital I could not contact her to get more details. I got home as soon as I found a note to come to the hospital. After the visit and getting up to speed on Tim’s condition, I elected to go home with my wife and told Tim I would be there first thing in the morning. It is hard to decide who needs you the most during periods like this. This was the first time that I left Tim in the hospital over night by himself.
The next morning I was at the hospital with Tim by 7am. He seemed OK but anxious as would be anyone. He under went several tests and was then cleared to go home. We had a meeting with Doctor Ellis who went over the procedures he suggested for treatment. The doctor related that he had both good and bad news. The bad news was that Tim had cancer but hte good news was that it was Hodgkins'. Hodgkin's was treatable and the survival rate was above 90%. Tim was to be part of study to determine effect of a chemotherapy only treatment (no radiation). The treatment was to start on Tuesday as I remember. There were more tests scheduled for Monday. That was a long weekend.
At this time I did a WEB search on Hodgkin’s. I found an article by a person in England talking about her experiences. The one thing I remember is how long it took her to get to see a doctor and then how long it took to start treatment (nine months). So much for national health care.
The protocol to be followed would involve twice a month chemotherapy. The first would be an all day affair, followed a week later by a short session. Tim was told to drink as much as possible before the treatments to help keep the total time spent in the hospital down. We arrived early in the clinic at Wright-Patterson AFB on Tuesday morning. His fluid levels were checked and the treatment started. He was given anti nausea medication, which he decided not to use. Bad decision! Luckily we had a bucket next to his bed.
Tim was a sophomore that year. After the day long treatment, he would normally miss the next day at school because he wasn't feeling too good. The short treatment was scheduled for after school. Using this procedure, Tim was able to complete the school year. He was permitted to wear a hat during the year after his hair fell out (about a month into the procedure). Tim actually did quite well throughout the procedure. He didn't have a central line placed so all injections and blood draws were through the skin with a needle.
Chemotherapy works by attacking and killing all fast growing cells. The chemotherapy drugs he was using were powerful but not the most powerful. After six months of treatment, his Hodgkin’s was determined to be in remission. Because he was in the study, he was randomized out of radiation treatments. Tim was scheduled for frequent evaluations for the rest of the year and less frequent afterward. Tim got to know CAT scans and gallium scans along with EKGs, EEG, etc during this entire period. He continued to be seen by Doctor Ellis until he left and then Doctor Berg at Wright-Patterson AFB. We became friends with the staff in the clinic and felt comfortable with the staff and the facilities at the base hospital.
Our overall experience with the base hospital was good. I can't remember any major problems that we encountered during the procedures.
Some Photo from the tranplant.
Tim is handling his own treatments now. When I was in Georgia in mid December he went in and had the central line removed. This means I don't have to replace the cover over the opening every week. This has been a weekly procedure since Tim returned home. It entailed Tim laying on the kitchen floor and my removing the old cover (large clear bandage), cleaning the area and then placing a new bandage on. It also means that I won't have to do the daily line flushes.
He is now active and is almost up to his old self. He even helped clean the driveway of ice and snow when I was gone to New Mexico in January. He just visited the doctor today and everything is going along great. He will have another scan in March.
Tim continues to have great checkups. His favorite doctor at Wright-Patterson AFB is leaving this summer so he will be getting a new doctor. He is currently finishing up the requirements to graduate from high school by attending Sinclair Community College and has all the paperwork completed for starting University of Illinois this fall. Somehow UofI lost the letter he wrote last year before he started his treatments so I don't think he will be getting a scholarship.
Tomorrow is Tim's One Year "New Start" day. It doesn't seem like it was a year ago that Tim started into the transplant process. He doesn't like to talk about this is any manner. He even gets nervous going to Cincinnati to Red's games. I am thankful that he has done to well and pray that the transplant will be successful in the long run.
Tim is now a registered student at the University of Illinois. We when to Champaign last week and went through the orientation processes. Tim will be working for a degree in Computer Science.
Tim is now installed in student housing at the University of Illinois. He is excited about starting a new phase of his life. Having been to the UofI, Tim knew he didn’t want to live in the dorm so he was able to get into one of the certified public housing building near the campus. He is in a high rise apartment with a roommate and will share a bathroom with the next room.
Tim is now in his second semester at the UofI. The first semester was a challenge as he had been out of school for so long. He is looking at change major to business with a minor in computer science. His last check was great.
Tim has now completed his first year at the University of Illinois. His GPA was better than a B. He is looking forward to the 10 Cincinnati Reds games we will be attending this summer.
Tim is now starting his fourth semester at the UofI. He is moving forward toward a degree in business.
Tim is now starting his junior year at the University of Illinois. He has been accepted into the business school and is very happy. This past summer he converted a DOS based program I wrote for some Catholic Schools into Windows. He learned Visual Basic while converting a program. The new program is Windows based and was used by as many as nine Catholic schools in OH. I was amazed at how much he had inserted into the program when I wrote the documentation for the program. The program is still in use (2007) and I feel it is tribute to Tim.
He has move to an apartment complex further away from the school. He still has some of the same people as roommates. He is still very much into sports and is looking forward to football and basketball games this fall and winter.
He was also tapped to be Best Man at his older brother's wedding in January 2002.
The trip to Austin Texas was an adventure. Tim brother is getting married before the start of the second semester in Austin Texas. Tim drove to Champaign with the stuff he brought home for Christmas. We left the next day for Champaign and picked him up and drive toward Texas. Our departure from Ohio is in snow until we get into Indiana and then clears up. We picked up Tim and got to Oklahoma for the night. We finish the trip to Austin the next day the next day. The wedding is great and Tim enjoyed himself. His best man speech was very good. He is very happy as can be seen in the photo with his brother. Tim has a great smile!! Tim is shorter than his brother partly due to the chemo treatment he was under going when he should have been growing taller.
We turn in the tuxes and depart around noon on Sunday from Austin. We make it to Oklahoma for the night. Tim is in hurry to get back to school as the first day of classes is Monday. We get to Champaign in time for his last class. We take him to dinner and then drive the four hours home.
Tim is now a senior at the University of Illinois. His friends have graduated and he has found a new apartment near the stadium. We help him get setup in the new place.
Tim graduated from the University of Illinois on 17 May with a degree in Finance. He made the Dean's list several semesters and over all did quite well. Now to find a job.
After graduating from the UofI, Tim submitted his resume to several locations. However, he was focusing on the Chicago IL area. I drove him to Chicago for an interview with Center for Research in Security Prices at the University of Chicago, which is part of the Graduate School of Business. He accepted a job there and we helped him move his stuff from Champaign IL to Arlington Heights IL. His apartment was next to a commuter rail line and he took the train to Chicago and then walked the rest of the way to work.
After two years, he decided he wanted to move downtown. He did the numbers and discovered the cost was the same and he would save himself about 1 1/2 hours of travel time each day. He found an apartment in the West Loop area and again I helped him move downtown. His office also moved from its location on Wells Street to Clark and Adams. The walk is about the same distance.
As noted earlier, Tim was sort of a Cub’s fan. I don’t know how many games he went to but I know he went to at least one. In one series between Cincinnati and the Cubs, WLW a Cincinnati radio station, sponsored a train trip from Cincinnati to Chicago for the baseball game. I purchased two tickets to the ball game along with the train tickets. I drove back home from a business trip in Georgia and took a quick nap on Friday. I had to drive to Cincinnati for a 4am departure on Amtrak Saturday morning. I was able to sleep until Indianapolis. From that point I stayed awake as I pretty much knew the route although it was different than what I had traveled while a student at Purdue. Tim met me at the train station, having ridden into town from his apartment in Arlington Heights. We had lunch and then took the subway to the Wrigley field. We watched the game, which the Cubs won, and then took the subway back downtown. Tim took the train back to Arlington Heights while took the train back to Cincinnati.
Tim appears to fit into the job and was well liked. The office sent him to various training sessions to further develop his capabilities in programming. Tim always seemed to have a smile on his face as seen in these photos from the CRSP Christmas party in 2005.
Because he was away from home, all we could do as parents was to highly suggest that he find a doctor and get annual check ups. His mother brought this up at least once a month in the weekly calls.
The first year appear to move along without a problem. In his second year downtown he started to have problems breathing. He was still walking the mile plus between his apartment and his office but it was becoming more difficult. As it got harder to breathe, he would take a cab to and/or from work. If the weather was nice he would walk if possible. Tim also hid his breathing problems from his Chicago family. It should be noted that Tim’s problems started approximately 9 years after he received his stem cell transplant which occurred in April 1998.
Being the young person he was and sort of disliking doctors, he put off visiting them until September 2006. He investigated the various hospitals in the downtown Chicago area and selected NW Memorial and the doctors there. The decision was to do a bronchoscope in October 2006. This was to be completed as an outpatient procedure with the goal to get a tissue sample to validate the cause of his problem. The initial guess was histoplasmois, which is a fungus in the lungs. Most people get this and it never causes any problem but those who have had chemo are more prone. I drove to Chicago to be with Tim for the procedure. There was to be no complication with a very low possibility of a collapsed lung. After the procedure, part of Tim’s lung did collapse. The doctor then stated that most people have their lung collapse but it comes back immediately. Tim’s lung did not reinflate and as it turned out the tissue sample the doctor recovered was not useable. Tim was immediately admitted to the hospital. As with all the other times that Tim was in the hospital over night, I stayed with him. Because of the collapse, the doctors had to install a chest tube to remove air from around the lung to promote its reinflation.
It should be noted that bronchoscope procedure is noted as not providing a sample large enough to identify pulmonary fibrosis as reported in documentation on the subject.
I have planned to stay a couple of extra days so I had some of my medication but not enough for the expected stay. So I had to drive home, get more and then drive back missing only the second night of not being with Tim in the hospital since he started into this way back at Wright-Patterson over ten years before. As noted earlier, I had been able to spend nearly every night in the hospital with him since he started treatment for the Hodgkin’s. I lucked out and was between assignments and had built up a large amount of leave when he had his transplant.
While he was in the hospital recoving this time, I had my laptop computer and was able to work on various assignments while providing support to Tim. I pushed him to get up and move around. His comment after getting out of the hospital was that because of me, he got out much earlier than if he was by himself.
One of Tim’s favorite TV programs was “Lost.” He got me hooked on this program when he sent me the complete season one on DVD. I don’t watch a lot of TV and make it a point not to watch serial programs like “Lost.” So when this program would come on, Tim would suggest that I leave the room so I would not see any of the program. Each year he would get me the latest DVD set of “Lost.”
Having my laptop, I was able to keep up with work and my web site. I did get to walk Michigan Avenue from end-to-end during my daily escape from the hospital.
His doctors said that his lungs were damaged and the results from the tissue samples were not conclusive. They got a larger sample when they inserted the chest tube. The doctor indicated that they would look into a potential lung transplant but they didn’t think he would qualify due to the chemo treatments he had received.
Unknown to us, Tim had many visits to the doctor and hospital after he got out of the hospital and before he came home at Christmas. Going through the bills we could see that he was going several times a month. What makes it hard for us now is that Tim was going through this by himself without support. He made it a point not to let people know of his problems and therefore would not receive any support from his Chicago family.
He resumed working but was taking a cab back and forth to work. His condition, even taking medication, was not improving. I drove up to Chicago and picked him up for Christmas. He was concerned about driving and then having a coughing spell. We normally visit relatives in Northern Ohio at Christmas but Tim didn’t want anybody to see him short of breath. So we stayed in Dayton and threw together a Christmas dinner with everybody contributing something. Tim enjoyed watching the various cooking shows so he could recite various items of interest. He also did not want for his friends to see him in that condition and so never responded to calls. One of his roommates from college lived close by and Tim never called him. Tim still wasn’t feeling very good so he extended his stay by a few days. This was Tim’s last Christmas.
I took him back to Chicago and spend an extra day or so with him. I can remember him sitting next to me on his couch and laying his head on my shoulder. He was more loving than he had been in the past.
Tim was selected for a promotion during the later part 2006. He was to move from a database analyst to manager of customer support. His duties were to provide Level one support. There was a great deal discussion between the groups as Tim had shown himself to be very capable in the database area. However, he was looking for interaction with the customer base.
He soldiered on for the rest of January without improving much. We have found that he did visit the hospital with continuing problems. I also found that he had visited the ER with breathing problems in mid January. He would say that he was having trouble getting dressed in the morning.
He worked with the office manager, HR and doctor to get placed on 90 day disability. I drove up and picked him up at the beginning of February and brought him home to Dayton. Because of his condition he had lost a lot of weight. His Illinois driver license said he weighed 135. When he got home he weighed 105.
When he first arrived he could not walk between the floors in the house without stopping and resting. He slowing started to improve. He was able to go up and down the stairs without stopping. He seemed to have a better attitude about everything and even bought a new computer and a game. He seemed happy and content. He only left the house for lunch on Thursday and dinner Saturday night. On occasion he would want to go to a store but for the most part sat downstairs and worked on his computer, watched TV or read. He did help around the house by folding clothes for my wife. He watched the cooking shows and sports on TV. He was looking forward to watching woman’s college softball on TV. He would sit downstairs in the family room most of the day. The room had a high efficient air filter that ran most of the time. The house has a high efficient filter. The room was sprayed with a disinfectant at least once a week. So all in all, he was living in a fairly sterile environment.
Tim was eating well along with drinking high protein Ensure. When he left at the beginning of May his weight had rebounded to 120. He was also very good about taking his medication. He lines up his morning pills with breakfast. He was taking the anti-fungal, a calcium supplement as there was a noted bone mass loss along with a few others. What was disconcerting was the nearly every morning process of clearing his chest. It would seems that when he was lying down something would collect in his lungs and it would take a few minutes of coughing to clear it up before he would proceed. After this, and as long as he stayed up right, he didn’t seem to have any problems.
While he seemed happy at home, some of the things he said to his mother would indicate that he knew he was in trouble. He was not really happy about going back and tried to extend the disability by a month by using his vacation. In the end, he relented and agreed to go back and see how it would go. However, he was ready to remain at home. He had said that he could pay for his health insurance for at least a year and could handle the apartment. It seemed to us that he was improved, maybe 20% better than when he came home in February. The goal was for him to return to Chicago and see how it went. If he was still having problems he could return back to Dayton. We also discussed him moving to the Austin Texas area to be closer to his brother.
In an article in the newspaper it stated that only 10% of people younger than 30 have IRA. Tim was one of these people. It is interesting in a discussion with his mother while he was home on disability that he stated he didn't know why he was doing this as he would never use it.
Unknown to us was that he had taken the best of the long term disability options at work. I also discovered later that he would have qualified for long term disability through Social Security. Those two payments would have made it possible to live at home in a closed environment.
Tim had been placed on large doses of the steroid Prednisone to help him feel better. While it makes you feel better it further depress the body’s ability to fight infections. Over the period he was able to reduce the dose to 20mg.
I took him back to Chicago the first part of May. I stayed with him for a week. He seemed to be in good spirits and happy to be home. He told me that he had walked back from work on the first day. If was warm and he was able to make the mile plus trip. He did say he had to wait a couple times for few signal light cycles to catch his breath. The established goal was to see how it went. The procedure we established was for me to drive up every two-three weeks and take him shopping.
He had worked out a deal with the office so he could work from home three days a week and only go to the office twice. However, after he got back, he decided to work three days and stay home twice.
I do believe he was concerned as the first thing he wanted me to do was help him sell his car. The battery was dead and it had a flat tire. I jumped the battery and inflated the tire. I drove to Sears and they had to replace the battery and fix the tire. I had the car washed and got a quote from CarMax. The next day we drove to CarMax and he sold the only thing he had with a title. We then took the train back downtown. As I remember, he still had trouble with stairs. This should have been another RED FLAG for me.
We did some shopping and stocked his refrigerator and shelves with enough “stuff” to last for three weeks. While he could probably get out, he did not have the strength to carry anything heavy. This should have been another RED FLAG for me.
Tim went to see his doctor on Thursday of that week. I was able to talk with the doctor and she indicated that Tim’s lungs had improved slightly but they still didn’t know what the under lying problem was. If she had said that Tim had not improved I probably would have taken him back to Dayton.
In a dinner with a friend from CRSP about 10 days after returning to Chicago, he discussed the option of moving back to Dayton or to Austin TX. It appeared that he was leaning toward moving to the Austin area where the weather was better than Chicago.
It appears that Tim picked up something like a cold the week after I left. From discussions with people in Chicago and his weekly call home, he said he was not feeling well. He made no effort to see a doctor initially. However around the 20th of May he did visit the emergency room. Nothing was found that caused him to the admitted to the hospital, or he simply refuse to be admitted. He continued to work but took a cab both ways rather than trying to walk. He went out of his way to hide his condition from his fellow workers as he wanted to be as normal as possible.
Tim did say in his weekly calls that he was not drinking a lot at work as he did not want to go to the bathroom. It was not that far but he was having a lot of trouble breathing and he did not want the people in the office to know he was having problems.
Based on what I know, if Tim had received a large amount of antibiotic he MIGHT have been able to hang on a little longer. However, he was on a very slippy slope heading down with no way to survive.
We had scheduled a visit Memorial Day Weekend. When we arrived in Chicago, Tim was working in the kitchen cleaning up. We were a little early and he had wanted to have the apartment clean before we got there. It was never really messy and that was not how Tim lived. Tim’s apartment was very neat at all times. He didn’t want the workers in his room as they would mark up the floor.
We were to take Tim to a higher class motel out of the city and to dinner. Friday night was the only semi-good evening. He did eat fairly well that night and that may have been his last good meal.
The next day he did not want to walk much. When I took him shopping he did not want to get out of car. That afternoon he developed a slight fever and I purchased some Tylenol. That night he developed a higher fever and had a panic attack because he couldn't get enough oxygen into his system. I had to help him calm down in order to breathe semi-normal which took about 30 minutes. In hindsight, I should have taken him directly to the emergency room but he did not want to go. He did not want anything to eat that night and his mother and I eat downstairs in the motel. Tim had a bad night and did not sleep very much. His mother noted that he was in some discomfort during the night.
"Patient Information Handbook", Pulmonary Fibrosis Foundation. "The most damaging conseuence of lung disease and its sensation of "breathlessness" is the development of an inactive life style. For many patients, activities of daily living like bathing and dressing can create overwheling fatigue. Air hunger can create panic attacks, and produce neagtive psychological effects."
Sunday morning we drove back to his apartment. He was not feeling very well but would not go to the hospital. The three options were for him to (1) stay at the apartment, (2) go to the emergency room (3) go home with us to Dayton. He elected to go home with us. Sitting up in the back seat of the car he was able to sleep most of the way back without much discomfort. We did stop to eat but he barely touched his food.
Shortly after getting home, he developed a fever of 101. Tylenol broke the fever and his temperature returned to normal. Again, this should have keyed us to take him to the hospital but again he did not want to go. He spent a restless night in his own bed.
Tim did not want to eat the next morning. We had decided that he needed to go to a hospital. He elected to return to Chicago where his doctors were. Because he was having even more trouble breathing, he did not want to drink anything because he didn’t feel he could walk to the rest room. Again, he was hiding his problems as best he could. As I remember, he didn’t talk much on the 4.5 hour drive to Chicago.
I drove up to the emergency room entrance and got a wheel chair. Tim got in and one of the security people took him inside while I parked. By the time I got back the emergency room he was already being seen. When I got to the treatment room the nurse said that when he came in he didn’t have enough breath to put together a complete sentence.
Dr Weber from the ICU saw him and indicated that they may have to insert a ventilator. Tim stated that he would agree, but only as a measure of last resort. Tim was admitted and place in the ICU at NW Memorial. I stayed well into the night but there was no place to sleep in the room unless you slept in a chair or in the lounge on a couch. Tim started with the nose tubes providing oxygen. He was having a hard time maintaining an acceptable O2 level in his blood.
Tim was not really very hungry so I eat most of his meal. He did want the soup and was able to drink it through a straw. I beleive this was his last actual food.
I made several very hard calls that day. I called home and talked with his mother. I called Texas and talked with his brother. Matt immediate said he would get there are soon as possible. Because there was no place to sleep, I headed back to Tim’s apartment to clean up and sleep.
I headed over to the hospital first thing in the morning. Because Tim was not able to maintain an acceptable level of O2 in the blood, they now had him on a partial face mask. Matt flew in that day and took the train downtown. I met him and we went to the hospital. Tim was happy to see his brother and the two of them talked, although Matt did most of the talking as Tim could not speak complete sentences. We stayed late into the night to be with Tim and talk.
I feel it is necessary to contact his work and let them know Tim’s status. Tim gives us the telephone number of the immediate supervisor and the office manager. I call and let them know that Tim is in the hospital.
I received a phone call from the hospital around 5am. The staff doctor wanted to place Tim on a ventilator as they could not keep the blood O2 saturation level high enough. I tried to talk with Tim on the phone but that didn’t work. So Matt and I got dressed and headed back to the hospital.
The doctor explained the problem to Matt and me while Tim listened. The problem was that Tim’s O2 levels were falling and the doctors wanted to insert the ventilator while it could done in a non-emergency mode. Tim was using all available muscles to breathe, almost coming off the bed. They also said that Tim was using so much energy to breathe that he had little reserves to fight the infection that was causing him the problems. Tim agreed by saying “lets do it.” These were Tim’s last words. Matt and I left the room while they inserted to tube. Because this is VERY uncomfortable, the person must be kept well sedated. Initially they tie the hands to the bed frame to keep the person from trying to pull the tube out. I personally know that this is VERY uncomfortable as I awoke after my by-pass surgery with the ventilator inserted. My hands were tied so I couldn’t pull it out and there was no way I could calm myself down before they increased the sedation and put me back under. Over the next few days they removed the hand restrains as Tim’s never moved.
Matt and I stayed with Tim as much as possible. The staff indicated that the while the person in sedated, they felt he could hear and understand people taking to him. The staff always told Tim what they were doing before they moved him.
Tim’s monitors became what we watched. His blood pressure and respiration were OK. His temperature would go up in the afternoon but for the most part stayed below 100. The ventilator provided air directly to the lungs under pressure if needed. The pressure was measured as “PEEP.” The normal pressure is 5.0. O2 levels should be less than 40%. If these conditions exist, it is possible to wean the person off the ventilator.
Tim’s condition appeared to stabilize for the rest of the day. Doctor Weber, who seemed to be there all the time, recommended that Tim’s mother be nearby and not five plus hours away. I called his mother and said I would drive home on Thursday and pick her up. We would then drive back on Friday. Matt would be there to be with Tim.
The doctors would like to see the records of Tim’s chemo treatment so I approve the release of records. I also provide the doctors names and hospitals and dates when Tim was treated. Luckily I had not removed the Hodgkin documentation from this web site.
Matt and I again left late that night.
I drove over to the hospital that morning with Matt. We “talked” with Tim for a bit and then I head back to Dayton. This 4.5 hour drive is very lonely and many thoughts pass through your mind. Based on the doctor’s suggestion that his mother be close by, that did not seem like a good omen. The thoughts all go toward the dark side and this was a hard trip.
Matt said that while he was there Tim came out of the sedation for a few seconds. Matt had the presence of mind to ask Tim if he was in pain (no) but Tim indicated that he was uncomfortable.
It was very hard on my wife but we had to get things together. It was a fitful night but we were still doing OK and Tim was alive but critical and stable.
Another long trip back to Chicago. This time I had my wife with me but our thoughts went toward the dark side but then Tim had been through so much and always made a great recovery we focused on that trying to be positive. His mother fully expected Tim to fight through this like he had done in the past.
I was concerned over how Mom would react to seeing Tim but she actually handled it quite well. Tim was still listed as critical but stable.
Because of a large convention in town, we were unable to get a room close by. We ended up staying in Arlington Heights, about 25 miles from the hospital. Matt stayed in Tim’s apartment and would walk the mile plus each day. The weather wasn’t too bad so it made for an easy trip. We would leave around 9am from the motel for the drive downtown the traffic was too bad at that time of the day but it still took 45-60 minutes.
Matt had contacted the hospital Chaplin and he had the priest stop by to see Tim. He did anoint Tim which his part of the Catholic process. Father Bill was very good and he did provide a great deal of comfort to us while we were in the hospital.
One of the doctors asks Matt if he was a doctor as he was asking some very good questions. Matt is an engineer but quickly picks thing up.
Another drive into the hospital. Another day sitting by the side of Tim’s bed. Another day to think through everything that was going on. We did go to church that evening. Mom is getting in the habit of eating in the hospital cafeteria.
Since Tim remained stable, Matt elected to go back home. His wife was planning on coming to Chicago and had flown with their children to the grandparents in west Texas. So Matt flew there to help get everybody home.
Another drive to the hospital and day sitting by Tim’s bed.
Another drive to the hospital and a day sitting by Tim’s bed. Tim has not moved since the ventilator was inserted. The staff continued with the massive amount of antibiotics in an effort to knock out the infection.
Another drive to the hospital from Arlington Heights, but the last one. Tim’s apartment building has a guest suite which we able to get for a few days. I walk over in the afternoon to get the keys. Again, there appears to be no change in Tim’s conditions. The ventilator pressure has been increased at times to 12.5 PEEP with the O2 level at 60%. This is required to maintain Tim’s O2 blood saturation levels. The staff treats Tim very well and the nurses check on him, even when he is not their patient. Matt calls every day to see how Tim is doing and I read him the numbers off the various devices.
We get over to the hospital around 9am as normal and ready for another day. The doctor asks us to go into a small room down the hall. He says that Tim is in the Intensive Care Unit and is receiving the best possible care. However, he is not showing any signs of improvement and we should consider the options. This is presented very matter-of-fact with no effort to soften the impact of what is being said. This result in both my wife and I feel like we are hit with a 20 pound hammer. While you are trying to digest what has been presented and assess the impact, the doctor continues on. You can’t ask many questions as this has come out of left field and was not expected.
We indicate that we will wait until his brother can get in town from Texas.
This will also give us a couple of extra days to consider the options.
I also call Tim’s office and let the office manager know the situation. I
invited both his immediate supervisor and the office manager to the hospital.
They arrive shortly after and we introduce ourselves. It is a tearful meeting.
These are Tim’s two Chicago mothers. They provided him support and
encouragement while he was there. They are also in disbelief that he could get
to this condition. They provided us with some of the good things that impressed
them about Tim.
It was a sad drive back to the apartment. It was hard getting to sleep that
night with everything running around in your head.
It was a sad trip back to the hospital that morning. My brother is already
in the room when we get there. It is a sad meeting but he has been through this
before with both of our parents.
We came across Father Bill and talked with him. He comes back to Tim’s room
and again anointed him with oil. He also provided us a couple of funeral home
in the area that could handle process. You are not supposed to bury your
children and so the process and procedure is not one you plan on. However, it
is necessary to start the planning and you sort of run on something you never
knew you had.
That afternoon Tim shows signs of improvement. The PEEP is reduced to 5,
which near normal, but the O2 level stays at 60%. At high levels, oxygen is
toxic to the body. Unless the O2 level could be reduced to 40% or lower there
was no way to remove the ventilator. His other signs are showing some small
level of improvement. Dr Weber also expresses a small ray of hope. We all of a
sudden have reason to think that Tim may beat the lung problem and make it out
of the hospital. Matt arrives in late afternoon and his wife late that
night. We are concerned that we have jumped the gun on having Matt come north
again.
We head back to Tim’s apartment on a high note after been crushed the night
before.
We arrive back at the hospital in much higher spirits then the day before.
Everybody is present this morning and we are all hopefully that Tim will
continue to make progress. We note that the PEEP has been raised to 7.5 again,
not a good sign. Tim’s face has cleared and he is looking good. He is still a
little “puffy” from the fluids he has received, but overall all he looks like
our Tim.
Later that morning, our least favorite doctor shows up and asks us to head
for one of the little rooms down to hall. This time he is better in his
delivery of the bad news. He goes over everything again and this time we are
ready with questions to which he answers. Both my brother and Matt have some
hard questions and all issues are resolved. He points out that Tim’s lung have
been reduced to only 9% of normal. He also points out that with each breath he
is damaging his lungs even more. The high level of O2 further complicated the
process because it is at a toxic level. Oxygen at levels above 40% is actually
toxic to the body and therefore the levels should be kept below this level. The
X-Ray taken that morning did not show any improvement. Based on the information
presented, there was only one choice. Making this choice is the hardest thing I
have every done. I was lucky that there were other people involved in make this
decision.
After some discussion, the decision was made. We all went to Tim’s room and
said our initial good bys. We then went to the waiting room before heading
downstairs for lunch. I went back in Tim’s room to talk with him again. While I
was there his sedation levels must have dropped slightly as he woke up. Since I
was talking with him he looked directly at me. Unfortunately I was not prepared
for this and forgot to tell him I loved him. Before I could react, the nurse
who was there, immediately increase the sedation and Tim went back to sleep. I
was the last person that Tim would see.
Downstairs in the cafeteria we went over our decision but could see no other
out come. Tim was not improving and to keep him alive did not seem fair to a
person who was always full of life and wanted to do things.
We did talk with Father Bill for a few minutes and he indicated he would
stop by and see us.
We went upstairs and made known our decision. We all stayed in the room to
be with Tim during this last phase of his life. The final good bys were made
and his mother and sister-in-law left. I elected to stay with Tim during the
last minutes of his life. His brother and uncle also elected to stay with Tim
and me. The staff gave Tim a medication which helps reduce fluids in the lungs.
Father Bill stopped by for a few minutes and said that he would be back.
The nurse Tony and Dr Campbell were present for the end process. They both
asked everybody present if this was the decision and we all agreed. With that
they went about removing the ventilator from Tim. I believe the three of us did
not watch this process but sat with out head bowed around the bed. Once the
ventilator was removed, Tim was cleaned up and we jointed him around the bed.
The ventilator was removed at 3:55pm.
Tim looked peaceful and over the course of the next 35 minutes took a few
shallow breaths. Tony kept him sedated and we were assured that Tim was not in
any pain or discomfort. I was holding his right hand during the entire time.
His brother was at his right foot. His uncle was at his left foot. Dr Campbell
was at his left hand. We all talked to Tim throughout this period. Father Bill
came in for a few minutes around 4:15. Doctor Campbell pronounced "he's gone" at
4:30pm, 8 Jun 2007. With those simple words, Tim's difficult life came to an end.
He looked very peaceful to the end. He had lived 9795 days
in his shorten live. I was there when he was born and I was there when he died.
After he was pronounced dead, we went to the waiting room to make the
announcement to his mother and Matt’s wife. They them both went back to see
Tim. My wife noted how quickly the color changed in his face.
From Catholic Digest – 8 June – Life is like an ice-cream
cone; you have to lick it one day at a time. Charles Schulz – Tim fought the
battle but he ran out of ice cream.
Then the hard process of making the telephone calls started.
I had been in contact with our church in Beavercreek and they made some
suggestion for a cemetery. There were a couple close by but after a search on
the web we selected Calvary in Kettering OH. I had to make arrangements with
the funeral home in Chicago to pickup the body and do the initial processing.
I also notified the funeral home in Beavercreek. They then took over handling
everything. These are things a parent should never have to do.
We had dinner with Matt and his wife in the hotel where they were staying.
It was a sad drive back to Tim’s apartment. Since we could stay in the guest
suite, we stayed in Tim’s apartment. This was very hard to see all his stuff
and note how neat he had been. Each shirt was hanging exactly an inch apart in
the closet. Everything was folded and stacked neatly in his dresser drawers.
Saturday morning was tied up with various phones calls to complete
arrangements.
Matt’s wife was heading back to Texas for a few days so we decided to take
her to the airport. Since we had to go west, we decided to stop for lunch away
from the city. We ended up in Schaurnburg. After lunch we went to the mall and
walked around to kill some time. We then dropped Angela off at O’Hara and then
returned back downtown. We went to church at Holy Name Cathedral. Father Bill
said the mass. Again, it was a very hard night in Tim’s apartment.
We departed Chicago for Dayton to complete one more step in the process. It
was a long sad five hour trip. There was some concern that we would not be able
to have a funeral mass for Tim as our priest was in a meeting in Columbus.
However, I received a call while we were driving home stated that we would have
a priest and mass.
Matt and I had to visit the funeral home to select a casket and make the
final arrangements. We had brought his only suit with us from Chicago. I was
with him when he purchased that suit.
Mass of Christian Burial St Luke’s Catholic Church, 1440 N Fairfield
Road, Beavercreek OH, 1000 AM Wednesday 13 Jun.
Matt and I then went to the cemetery to select a plot. We picked a spot in a
new area of Calvary near a tree. Tim like birds and at this spot we heard more
birds than anyplace else we looked at.
We felt that this would be a very hard day because of the viewing. Since we
wanted to keep the process to a minimum there would be only one viewing. Matt’s
wife flew in for the funeral and we had people coming from around the country.
Tim’s immediate supervisor and the office manager drove down from Chicago.
These were Tim’s Chicago mothers. One of his close friend (she called herself
his big sister) and her husband also drove from Chicago. Relatives from
Northern Ohio and Florida were also present. Many friends came to show their
respect for Tim. Many of his grade school teachers also came. His mother and I
were numb but managed to get through the night.
A bright and sunny day. We drove to the funeral home for the last viewing.
Relatives and friends were also in attendance for a quick service. We said our
private good byes and the funeral director place one of Tim’s stuffed friends
in the casket. His six cousins served as the bearers of his casket. It was a
short two mile drive to the church. In the church, his mother, brother,
sister-in-law and I place the white baptismal cloth over the casket. The mass
was well attended, the choir was great, the sermon was just long enough and
made a great impression on everybody in attendance. A key message in the sermon
was that if Tim had the choice, he would not come back as he is in a much
better place.
The ride from church to the cemetery was about 30 minutes long. A graveside
service was conducted and that ended the sad ceremony.
The church put on a luncheon for those who could attend and then everybody
drove to our house.
It was a very quiet house that night after everybody left.
We receive a neat booklet from our insurance company on the loss of a child.
Tim had his property and auto insurance with the same company. As I read the
booklet I can see both his mother and myself expressing the four part of the
process.
I drove to Chicago for the last time. Matt flew up from Texas to help me
clean out Tim’s apartment. I brought several large boxes we could use to pack
Tim’s clothes. We both stay very busy and managed to get all his clothes packed
on Sunday. Tim had a great taste in clothes and maintained them. For the most
part his clothes were from Banana Republic or J Crew. Tim was very neat as
seen in these photos.
In cleaning out the kitchen you could see how much he liked cooking. He had
professional grade tools in the kitchen. The knife set, the pots and pans and
the Cuisinart food processor.
We documented all the items that would be donated to Good Will the next day.
We were able to load my truck in the loading bay of the apartment building,
which saved time. Matt and I made two trips to the Good Will donation point
about eight blocks away.
We then cleaned up and walked to Tim’s office. This was about 1.25 miles
away and it gave us an idea of how much Tim had been walking every day in all
types of weather. About 20 of his co-workers joined us in a conference room
where we related the last days of Tim’s life and some of the stories about when
he was growing up. Some of the people related stories about Tim and how he was
loved by the office staff.
After lunch Matt and I walked back to the apartment and loaded the truck for
another trip to Good Will. When we got there the people were happy to see us
and related that several pieces of furniture had already been sold.
Back to the apartment to finish the day.
Matt helped me load a few of the things I wanted to keep of Tim’s. He left
to fly back to Texas. I walked with him to the CTA station and then walked
around downtown a little. I then stopped to take a few photos of trains near
Tim’s apartment for the last time.
I clean up the rest of the apartment and turned in the keys and said goodbye
to the staff that had been Tim’s friends. I drove to another spot that I found
to take a few more train photos before I departed for Dayton and five hours to
think about everything that had happen in the last three weeks.
Mom and I visit Tim's grave for the first time. It is hard but it is
necessary as part of the process.
I picked up the Certificate of Death for Tim today. The official cause of
death is listed as
When I did research on the listed cause of death, I found out that this is
almost always terminal. The average life span of people with this condition
is six years. It can cause death in as little as one month. About 40000 people
per year died from this disease. Basically it is a condition where the air
sacks in the lungs lose the ability to transfer oxygen to the blood. This
condition can be caused by various things, including some of the drugs used in
treating cancer. One of the three list drugs was one that had been used on Tim.
It should be noted that at no time did the doctors indicate to me that the
problem was pulmonary fibrosis.
It now appears that the damage to Tim’s lungs which caused problems after he
got out of the hospital from the transplant nine years ago stayed with him. The
condition was kept in check but for some reason it became active about a year
ago.
Tim did everything possible to extend his life. He stayed active and walked to
work almost everyday in all types of weather. He kept himself very clean by washing his hands
many times throughout the day. He had a positive attitude. These things added at least
three years to his life.
I read through your incredibly well done website. I think your assessment
is correct, that he developed a very late onset pulmonary fibrosis related
most likely to the drugs used to treat his cancer, both before and with the
transplant.
One of the drugs used with the transplant was BCNU which is clearly known to
occasionally cause pulmonary fibrosis. I am quite sure we had discussed it at
the time of the transplant and that it was in the consent form. The incidence is
fairly low, but we do definitely see this upon occasion as a complication of
this drug. Also, CCNU and bleomycin are two drugs commonly used for the treatment
of Hodgkin's disease and he probably received one of both of these drugs with
his HD treatment in the year or so prior to transplant. Both of these drugs are
also associated with pulmonary fibrosis. Once a patient develops this complication,
the outcome if often similar to Tim's. There is a slow but sure
deterioration in pulmonary function over time. Nothing seems to be able to prevent
its progression. … Prednisone often improves the pulmonary function but is only a
stop gap. I saw that he was on steroids for some of his time. It cannot
really reverse the disease.
In discussion with one of the Chicago doctor's, it appears that Tim's problem may have started
over a year before he passed away. As we look back there appears to be indications that
this was correct. His mother seems to remember that he was having problems walking up two flights
of stairs when he was home for Christmas in 2005. The doctor said that Tim, being young, was able to
compensate for his increasing breathing problems. This can be seen in the fact that he was able to get
to work a week prior to going on the venitator.
In talking with Tim earlier this year he seemed to remember that he was
warned about possible future problems with his lungs by a doctor many years
ago. The “What ifs” over the past year are all non-players. The condition
started when he was treated with the chemo drugs many years ago and once put
into motion about a year ago there was no way to stop it.
I "what if" myself about Tim and removing the ventilator as the conditions
were similar to when he first came home from his transplant. However, as I
think about it, there are many critical differences.
I would have taken Tim home in October if I had known his real problem.
The doctors were treating him for histoplasmois, as a guess. If the problem
had been identified at the start I could have found the issues on the web.
It might have kept Tim alive slightly longer but in the end the result would
have been the same.
I am mad at the doctors for not identifing the problem earlier. I have
requested approximate lung capacity at various times from the doctors but
have not heard anything to date.
I attend a viewing for the son of a friend who died suddenly. It is in the
same room as we used for Tim a month before. I have been friends with the
parents for years through the church. It is tearful meeting as they had been
keeping up with Tim over the years and had sent a card just before their son
died. He was older married with children.
Two of Tim's friends searched out Tim's grave. Once there they "talked" with Tim about all
the great times they had had. This one act brings tears to my eyes every time I think about it.
Tim's mom and I travel to Xenia today to select Tim's head stone. I had many an initial visit the previous
Saturday and had decided on some stones. We ended up selecting a granite from Pennsylvania. It is a dark color
with random white line throughout. No two pieces of granite will be the same. This granite was selected as it
displayed more character than one with a solid color.
I start to clean out Tim room at home. He has been keeping all the magazines he has received over the years.
I end up taking eight grocery bags of magazines out of his room.
Tim would have been 27 today. This is another hard day for us. Matt has flown up from Texas to be with us for
this very difficult day.
We had a dinner meeting with one of Tim's doctors from Cincinnati Children's Hospital.
He was interested in getting more of the details in Tim's last year.
He said that Tim actually did better than expected. He basically indicated that people
with Pulmonary Fibrosis normally don't do that well. He indicated that it normally will make itself
known earlier, around the six year period.
He said that PF was probably lying dormant in Tim until about 12-18 months ago when he probably picked
up a minor lung infection. It was probably small enough that Tim didn't do anything for it. However, this
cause to dormant PF to become active. He stated that there is no treatment for PF but the use of the
steroid Prednisone can slow the progression of the disease.
One of the interesting statements was about the ability of hospitals to track treatment of young patients.
In many cases the treated person may have problems and this doesn't get back to the staff so potential changes in
treatment can be developed.
I searching for something else I came across the paperwork from Tim's treatment. On one of the documents it indicated that
one of side effects of one of the drugs is lung problems. The document indicate that doses can be adjusted to minimizes the problem. It was
interesting looking through the various documents you receive and sign before treatment starts. I was also interesting looking through the
bills.
Tim received a survey from Dr B office about a visit he had in May. Since
I was with Tim on this visit I responded. After I sent the survey, I decided
should have respond with I would never recommend his office. I am still
mad that Tim never received any indication of how sick he was. I'm sure
that the doctors had an idea of what the problem was. If I had an idea of
how serious the problem was, I would of done thing differently. Unfortuately
the results would have been the same but Tim probably would have lived another
month or so.
I am still upset about the bed side manner of the doctor that took care of Tim in the ICU
when he told us of Tim's condition. Very cold and almost uncaring. He did much better when he
told us the second time.
Visited Tim's grave. The head stone has been delivered but not set in the
ground. The shade from the tree and deep blue sky gave the stone a blue
cast.
Visited Tim's grave. The head stone is now set in the ground. The cemetery
has permanent staff and these tasks are completed quickly. Still need to
place grass seed around the stone.
Tim died four months ago. At the exact minutes of the last 35 minutes
of his life I relive the pain again. It seems that 8th of each month is very
hard for me especial at the time of his death at 4:30pm CDT.
In early Oct Lisa, one of the characters in the comic strip "Funky Winkebean" passed
away. I was impressed by the manner in which the passing was presented. I can also
equate the feeling expressed in the strip in the next few days.
With the change of seasons the tree are starting to change colors.
We received a letter from the University of Chicago last week where Tim
was employed. They are hosting a
memorial service for those associated with the UofC who died over the past
year. Unfortunately I have misplaced the letter and don't remember the
details but, as I remember, it is was being held on 4 November. I am
considering driving up for this event but coming two days after a similiar
event being held by our church I don't know if I can stand up.
It was a year ago that Tim spent a week in the hospital in Chicago
under going tests to determined the cause of his breathing problems. While
stayed in the hospital with him, I am still upset with the doctors for not
giving a list of possible problems. They hoped for the least problem while
probably thinking it was something more serious.
We received a notice from Calvery Cemetery about a Christmas project conducted by a Boy Scout
troop. They will place a Christmas decoration on the grave of the loved one. In talking with a friend
who has someone interned in the cemetery she said they are well done. We selected a wreath to be placed on
Tim's grave.
Our church (St Lukes) conducted their annual memorial service. This service is for
all member of the parish who have died over the past year. I carried Tim's
candle in the church and set it on the alter. The entire choir was present
to fill the church with music along with several readings and short homily. Each name was
read with a bell sounding between each name.
Tim worked for the University of Chicago. We received an invitation from the school
to attended the Memorial Service for those assoicated with the school. I drove up to
Chicago area the night before. This was hard as I remembered driving up to Chicago with
Tim for the last time.
On Sunday morning I drove to the school to attend the
service. The service was conducted at the Rockfeller Memorial Chapel. This building is
larger than many churches I have been in.
The Chapel Choir provided the music and they were outstanding. Celia Brickman give the
Memorial Address. This presentation was very good. The things that stood out for me was
the statement about the first time without. The first Christmas without, the frist Thanksgiving, the
first birthday, etc. I wish I had recorded this presentation.
Tim was alway a big spots fan as noted in this document. After his brother
started at the University of Illinois, he became a big UofI fan and developed a large
dislike for The Ohio State. With both schools playing a key football game, I'm sure Tim would have
selected UofI to win. Yesterday morning I "talked" with Tim about the game and suggested that
he "help" his team.
I didn't pay much attention to the game until I was at a resturant last night. It was the Ohio
State after game report and from the way they were talking it appear that Illinois won. I asked
one of the wait staff and she said that UofI had infact won.
I'm sure Tim was very very happy of this game. I felt Tim need something to reflect this win
and made a small flag for his grave.
We start into the holiday season, the first without Tim. In 2006 we considered going
to Chicago to be with Tim for Thanksgiving but it never worked out. We did make long range
plans to go to Chicago to be with Tim this year.
While I did put up a Christmas tree and some decorations, I did cut down from what I normally
do this year.
I received an email from one of Tim's friends. What was touching was the fact that this person
had not removed Tim's cell number from the phone. As I thought about it, I still have his number in
my cell phone and his email address in my address books.
The boy scouts provide a service for families of loved one buried in Calvary Cemetery. We elected
to go this route. I do have to make snother UofI flag.
this has been a very difficult time for us. We think back a year when Tim was home with us for
Christmas. As noted in this page, Tim did not feel up to driving home from Chicago so I drove up and
picked him up a year ago. He didn't want people to see him down so he elected not to go to Cleveland.
We all stayed in Cleveland and made Christmas dinner. while it was a happy time, there were issues that
we all thought about.
Thing year we went to Cleveland to visit with brothers and sisters. We had received both calls and cards
from several people all who wanted to ensure that we were doing something for Christmas and not staying at home
Since were not going to be in Dayton on Christmas day, Judy and I visited with Tim the Sunday before. We thought
about Tim on Christmas but that's all we could do.
When I stopped and talked with one of the people in my office, she said she stopped by Tim's grave on Christmas day
and said Merry Christmas. Her husband is buried near-by and drives by Tim's site.
<4> Emails - Cards
I have received several very nice emails from visitors to my site. The ones I have received during the holiday season
were very nice and touched both Judy's and my heart. Thanks again.
On a typical Sunday Tim's Mom and I drive down to the visit with Tim. It
is a quiet place and it is interesting to note the changing numbers of
visitor to the cemetery.
The cemetery in actually located on a moraine. This is where the glacier
stopped moving south 10,000 years ago. To the north the ground is fairly flat
while to the south low hills. There is a gravel pit located to the west of
the cemetery toward I75.
When I depart I normally drive around the hill to go by the Norfolk
Southern Moraine yard. I shot a few photos each Sunday but the type cars do
not vary much, auto carriers and part box cars.
One of Tim's favorite shows was "Lost." He got me hooked on this series
and has bought me the entire season set of DVDs. This year his older brother
bought the set. I can remember in Oct 2006 when Tim was in the hospital in
Chicago and I stayed with him, he would suggest I leave the room when "Lost"
came on so I would not see any of the program.
Now I sit at my desk working on my RR Web site on one computer while
"Lost" plays on the other computer. Each evening I think about Tim as I watch
the show.
As I read through this document, a tear formed in my eye. Even though it
has been almost a year since Tim passed away, it still gets to me.
A year ago I was with Tim after taking him back to Chicago. He had spent
three months with us in Ohio. As I look back I thought that Tim had improved but
I believe he was hiding his condition. I still "what if" but it doesn't help.
While Tim is gone, I believe he is still with us. Both my wife and I can feel
a presence in the house. I see "movement" out of the corner of my eye when nobody is
around.
While many people do not believe in "ghost" or spirits, I had an experience
in 1979 in the PACAF headquarters building in HI. I entered the building one night and started
up the stairs. I heard the door close behind me and "heard" foot steps coming up
the stairs. There was nobody around. Many of the staff would not go to the
communication center alone at night after similar experiences.
I completed Tim's last Income Tax report. It was hard to place the "DEC" on the
forms.
We continue to "visit" with Tim most Sundays. He was one of the first people
to be interred in this new section of the cemetery. In the past year about 15 new graves have been
established.
Tim entered the hospital for the last time on Memerial Day last year so this
will be a hard time for us.
While home, Tim would say that he did not have any friends. But the reality
was that he had many friends. I believe that Tim was a private person who did
not want people to treat him different because of health issues in the past. He
seldom let people know of all the battles he had fought and won over the years.
As far as I know, Tim did not have a girl friend although he did have a lot
of friends who were girls. I believe this was because of his concern over his
long term survivability. I believe this was in back of his mind.
He was alway conscience of conditions around him. Always concerned about infections,
he was very good about washing his hands. He did everything that he could to protect himself
against infections.
We have received many great comments in the cards and emails about Tim. I
would like to share a few of these without names. If you would like to add a
comment please send it to me.
Tim was one of my best friends in grade and high school. He was the most
humble brilliant person I knew. He challenged my views on politics and had such
an influence on the person I am today.
He was a sweet and tender soul.
I remember Tim from St Lukes and Carroll. He was also so bright.
Thanks for being my friend. Because of you my life is better.
Tim was an amazing friend He had a good heart and was a joy to work with.
Tim –super smart and dedicated
Will miss Tim and his dry wit and a wonderful sense of humor.
Tim was truly an enjoyable person to be around.
I’ll miss his sense of humor and perfectionism.
He was a conscientious and competent coworker
7 Jun – Thursday
8 Jun – Friday
9 Jun – Saturday
10 Jun - Sunday
11 Jun – Monday
Elwood, Timothy P., age 26 beloved son of George and Judy Elwood, brother of
Matthew, (Angela) uncle of Lily and Christopher, numerous aunts, uncles, and
cousins passed away Friday 8 Jun 2007 in Chicago, IL. Tim graduated from
Carroll HS and the University of Illinois. He was the Manager of User
Support with the Center for Research in Security Prices at the University of
Chicago. Family will receive friend and relatives Tuesday evening 12 June
5-8pm Tobias Funeral Home, 3970 Dayton-Xenia Road, Beavercreek OH.
12 Jun – Tuesday
13 Jun – Wednesday
24 Jun – Sunday
25 Jun – Monday
26 Jun – Tuesday
27 Jun – Wednesday
4 July 2007
7 Jul
A doctor's Comment
Pulmonary Fibrosis Org
12 Jul
29 July 2007
2 Aug 2007
05 Aug
13 Aug 2007
22 August 2007
02 Sep 2007
Survey - Sep 15
30 Sept 2007
7 Oct 07
8 Oct 07
Funky Winkerbean
21 Oct 07
24 Oct 07
Christmas Decorations
02 Nov 2007
04 Nov 2006
The Big Win - 10 Nov 2007
November 2007
Email
The Wreath
Christmas Season
Christmas Visit
Sunday's
LOST
7 May 2008
Who was Tim?
